What if I had not prepared for that exam that seemed so important that I said no to life. That I said no to my teenage years and early adulthood. What if I had given a little more effort in the person I wanted to be with. What if I had spent some more time with my loved ones whom I feel like I had abandoned.
What happens when you keep wondering about so many what if’s? Your present becomes a rewind play of your past. You keep looping into that infinite possibilities of what could you be today IF something had happened or something had never happened.
I now have learnt to believe that, whatever wrongs and rights I did in my life, that I was the best I could do at that point. Because sometimes in that dark lonely night, it is enough if you are just able to save yourself from your destructive thoughts.
And, also because if you keep thinking about everything, instead of living your life, it won’t be long before you will be wondering what if I had done something about it, while lying there on our deathbed with a gleaming white light entering through a nearby window, making you realize how not important were those issues you fought for, and how important were those things that you gave up on that easily.